Sitting on the couch at Blue Mountain Beach in FL. An unexpected trip to Fl at the invitation of my wonderful caring brother and sister in law. Walking on the beach, sitting on the beach, just reading a book, wow, how good does it get!! It's amazing what the sound of the ocean does for me! I have been given the rare (because after you get married and have kids) opportunity to stop and think about your life. When I look back at the last year and half, I am just now beginning to see what those close to me have been saying "that I'm not myself, that I don't laugh enough, yada yada"
Guess what? They are apparently right! When you are caught up in the middle of things it's hard to see what others do, until you actually take time. My question to anyone is - how do you take the time in the middle of busy lives? I mean, I sometimes think I'm stealing time away (I really ought to be cleaning the floor or the bathroom or running the vacuum or washing the dog or writing my lesson plans, you get the picture) At night, right before I go to bed, I have been trying to write, journal if you will, but I always feel like it leaves you so exposed.
Trying to find the right church is another bug a boo. Half of my family is totally immersed in a church. Hannah not so much and me I don't feel like I fit in. Don't really know why, been pondering that as well. Where does God want you to be? Not thequestion he probably wants to answer because anywhere you choose to be and worship and serve him is what I imagine he'ld say...
What I have learned through the past year and a half is that life goes on, those around you, while providing immense love and support continue on in their lives and really it all comes down to you as to how you cope. I look atr the kids at my school. Some who get there siblings up to go to school, some who eat only at school, soome whose parents fight oer them, many one parent households, or living with exended family or fosters and I think how can I share a little joy with them? Kids of today have so many more issues than we did, How did we as adults let this happen?
Enough of my meanderings of the brain. But, if anyone has any answers, let me know!
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So I've tried to post on here like 3 different times but each time it fails!
ReplyDeleteI really like this post alot. I appreciate your honesty and it just shows that everyone is human. Keep journaling. It'll help you process out everything:-) Love you, praying for you (and that you find a church) and hope you had fun at the beach!